"This Christmas" retitled "This year"
~Mend a quarrel ~
~Seek out a forgotten friend ~
~Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust ~
~Write a letter ~
~Give a soft answer ~
~Encourage youth ~
~Manifest your loyalty in word and deed ~
~Keep a promise ~
~Forego a grudge ~
~Forgive an enemy ~
~Apologize ~
~Try to understand ~
~Examine your demands on others ~
~Think First of someone else~
~ Be kind ~
~ Be gentle ~
~Laugh a little more ~
~Express your gratitude ~
~Welcome a stranger ~
~Gladden the heart of a child ~
~Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth ~
~Speak your love and then speak it again~
President Howard W. Hunter
~1994~
This is a personal post, something I don't usually post on a public blog, maybe more appropriate for my journal, but the message is important. One I need to work on, one that maybe could help someone else....
As I continue to mourn Eric's unexpected death, I realize that I have been traumatized more then I realized. The last two nights as I've laid in bed crying uncontrollably sometimes I realize that I'm so terrified of the realization that a loved one could be taken from me without notice, at any given moment of any given day.
I think I've just coasted through the month of December and never allowed myself the chance to deal with my feelings so therefore I feel them every night when it gets quiet and I can't push them away.
I find myself nervous if I get angry or upset at someone....I never let them leave without resolving it....big or small. For a girl that holds grudges when she gets her feelings hurt...that is hard....but it's just not worth it....
When my phone rings, if I'm busy I just don't answer....well not any more.....if it rings and I know who it is....I answer. Yesterday, my mom and dad stopped by for a quick visit. Eventhough I was in the middle of inventory, and my mom told my dad I was busy and wouldn't be able to stop and chat....after sitting there for a few minutes, I ran upstairs to tell my dad hi real quick....he had back surgery 2 weeks ago and couldn't come down the stairs......they were out on a 'drive' to get out of the house. How stupid and selfish for me to think I was too busy to get off my butt and run say 'hi'! I think in the back of my head ....... what if it was the last time I saw them? I would never forgive myself for not answering that phone....for not making time for the important people in my life that I love with all of my heart. I am a selfish person and I need to work on that. I need to stop holding grudges if someone wrongs me....get over it, Shari...life is too short and too busy to be upset over something stupid.
I find myself nervous if I get angry or upset at someone....I never let them leave without resolving it....big or small. For a girl that holds grudges when she gets her feelings hurt...that is hard....but it's just not worth it....
When my phone rings, if I'm busy I just don't answer....well not any more.....if it rings and I know who it is....I answer. Yesterday, my mom and dad stopped by for a quick visit. Eventhough I was in the middle of inventory, and my mom told my dad I was busy and wouldn't be able to stop and chat....after sitting there for a few minutes, I ran upstairs to tell my dad hi real quick....he had back surgery 2 weeks ago and couldn't come down the stairs......they were out on a 'drive' to get out of the house. How stupid and selfish for me to think I was too busy to get off my butt and run say 'hi'! I think in the back of my head ....... what if it was the last time I saw them? I would never forgive myself for not answering that phone....for not making time for the important people in my life that I love with all of my heart. I am a selfish person and I need to work on that. I need to stop holding grudges if someone wrongs me....get over it, Shari...life is too short and too busy to be upset over something stupid.
I am really having a hard time with Daniel being so far away. I know he is still struggling over Eric's death and feels that nobody in Florida understands at all. His letters impact me so much lately. As a mom, it's so hard to feel helpless when your child needs help. Of course I can pray for him, write him uplifting letters, etc. But I feel like he just really needs to cry and let out his feelings and can't do it. He didn't get to attend the funeral and have closure....that is so needed in the grieving process.....and I just plain MISS HIM. I miss him so much. He is my listener. He always knows when something isn't right and makes me talk it out. But I wouldn't have him anywhere else, doing ANYTHING else....but it doesn't mean I don't miss him with all of my heart!
Ok, I'm done with this.....for right now, have work to do and a party to get ready for tonight.... and somewhere this afternoon Sean and I planned to go see a movie....
Ok, I'm done with this.....for right now, have work to do and a party to get ready for tonight.... and somewhere this afternoon Sean and I planned to go see a movie....
But please make sure you read and study that poem by President Hunter....it is one of my favorites because I know there is so much I personally need to learn written in his words.
